Just another date on a calendar? After a divorce, what do you do with the date of what was? I had a very hard time with this at first. I have kind of forgotten about it now (I said kind of!) I read another blogger’s blog on the subject, which of course brought the thoughts back to me and my situation.
I was married for 24 years, so the date meant something for 24 years. It is the date we were married, we pledged our love, we made promises to each other and our families. Now what?
The first anniversary after my husband left was very difficult, as he left just a month before. I received a text from him on our anniversary of him telling me he knew this would be a difficult day for me. Obviously it wasn’t for him! Was that supposed to make me feel better? I mean, sometimes I wasn’t sure during our marriage he remembered the date. Now suddenly that he is gone, he can remember?
The next year, I dreaded the date. For whatever reason, the dread started months ahead and grew as the date neared. I was sad. I was angry. I was hurt. But mostly, I was lost. For so long, I had such fond memories of this date, and I looked forward to it. Now what was I supposed to do? I sat home alone wishing things were different…
The year after that, the dread didn’t start quite so early. And as it approached, since it had been in my thoughts, I made sure I had plans that day. And I tried really hard not to think about it and what it used to mean. Of course, you know how that goes; the harder you try not to think about something, the more you think about it.
Now it is just another date on the calendar. Sometimes it goes by and I have no thoughts of it at all. How did I get here? Not really sure, life I guess.
I have discovered much better things to occupy my time and dates on my calendar. But that didn’t happen overnight – it took years. Gradually when the date appeared, I was no longer angry, then the feeling of being lost disappeared. Today the date no longer hurts me, but if I dwell on it I am sad for what used to be. But, it is short-lived as now it is a day just like so many others on the calendar of my life. I choose to focus on other things of importance I have marked on my calendar.
For you, only you know what will work for you. Plan something to distract yourself, or ask friends to help. Most importantly, don’t dwell on the what used to be. There is so much more in life than THAT date.
Donna D27 Originally Published 7/2014