Whatever You’re Doing

Sanctus Real

from the album We Need Each Other

It’s time for healing, time to move on, 
it’s time to fix what’s been broken too long 
Time to make right what has been wrong; 
it’s time to find my way to where I belong 

Chorus:
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender 
Whatever You’re doing inside of me 
It feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace 
And it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, but I’m giving in to something heavenly 

Time for a milestone, time to begin again, re-evaluate who I really am 
Am I doing everything to follow Your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills? 
So show me what it is You want from me 
I give everything – I surrender 

Chorus: 

Time to face up, clean this old house 
Time to breathe in and let everything out that I’ve wanted to say for so many years 
Time to release all my held back tears 

Whatever You’re doing inside of me 
It feels like chaos, but I believe … 
You’re up to something bigger than me 
Larger than life, something heavenly

Whatever You’re doing inside of me 
It feels like chaos, but now I can see 
This is something bigger than me 
Larger than life 
Something heavenly, something heavenly

Time to face up, clean this old house 
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Are you well-documented?

Funny question? Not so much when you are in a bind and wish you had proof, something in writing.

Someone shared with me, and I will share with you: document everything. Keep copies of everything. Keep a journal. As painful as it may be, you might one day need it. And when the stress and pressure are on, we can’t remember the details.

I kept every email, every text, every hand written note, and took notes on verbal conversations. Even with some of these things, especially your own notes or your journal, it will be a case of he said, she said. If you show up with binders full of documents, you will have the upper hand. I still have a storage tote full of these items, and still keep new ones. I haven’t had the need for any of them lately, but I would much rather have them and not need them than to be unprepared.

Apologies to Friends and Family

Unless you have walked in my shoes (or at least on my path), you will never understand. I did not choose to have my children with me only 50% of the time. That is not a choice I would ever make for myself or my children, but divorce made that choice for me, and therefore, I make other choices based on that one.

When my children are with me, I choose to spend that time with them. I plan my personal appointments and fun non-children things during the times they are with their dad.  When I am invited to an adult-only activity, I check my parenting schedule before accepting.

Being divorced and sharing custody and parenting time of children leaves us with more knowledge of the lives of our ex than we should have. This transition into a new life would definitely be easier if there was little to no contact with our ex. Besides the obvious, there are other reasons. Many of us deal with the hurt of being left behind.

I felt my life continued exactly as I planned, as I thought it would, as I envisioned it, with one slight difference – I wasn’t in it. It seemed like the only thing missing in the perfect picture was me, and worse than that was the fact that I was the only one who noticed I was missing. Life went on for everyone else, but I was stuck. Stuck staring at what I thought should be mine.

Especially once my ex remarried, which was quick, I often wondered why I even existed.  The perfect family was there, and I was here, alone. My children got the benefit of a dad and mom, even though a stepmom, and their siblings all together in what was our house, driving our cars, going on our vacations. How much more could I take?  A good friend tried to remind me that none of that was mine any more. Honestly, that just made the pain worse. I begged God to explain to me why, when my ex was the one who chose this path, did he end up with everything? God did not speak an answer to me, not then and not now. However, six years later I still have those same thoughts occasionally, although on a smaller scale and much less often. The difference is now I make myself stop and really think about what I think I am thinking.  

I have some of the best family and friends anyone could ask for. I have a great church and support network. And I have the most amazing kids and granddaughters. Sure, I don’t live that life that I once thought I was going to. Sure, I don’t live in the big house and drive the expensive cars. Sure, I don’t stay at 5 star hotels and drop thousands on a weekend.  But I could.  I choose not to, because there are more important things in life.  

D15 Originally published 9-2014