Death or Divorce?
I have suffered both: the deaths of both parents, and a very painful divorce. Which is worse?
Although I miss my parents every minute of every day, I believe my divorce was and is much worse.
My dad died suddenly. We had known he was sick, and even suspected the dreaded C word (cancer) but he worked all day, came home, had dinner, and watched TV. All seemed very normal, except at 9 p.m., he died.
My mom battled breast cancer and won, for a while. We watched her beat the beast and be defeated by that same beast years later. Her death was not quite a shock, but nevertheless, wasn’t any easier on my sister or me.
Going on with our lives without our parents has not been easy. There are always times when you want to talk to your parent, or share news with your parent, or be hugged by your parent. I don’t get those times any more. Their birthdays, their wedding anniversary and now the dates of their deaths are all marked upon my heart. Time surrounding any of those dates is tough. Sometimes I don’t know what is wrong with me or why I am so moody or sad, but eventually I will realize the date and it all makes sense.
But my divorce, as described by my counselor, was like a wound that starts to heal and scab over, and the scab keeps getting ripped off. Ouch! Sound bad? Sound painful? oh you betcha.Write comment (0 Comments)
Death and Taxes
How many more areas is my ex going to creep into in my new life? Just when I think things are good, I am really standing strong, I am becoming that person I want to be, I have my new life in some semblance of order, BAM! Today was dealing with taxes. What is that saying? “The only two sure things in life are death and taxes.” Ugh!Write comment (0 Comments)
Secrets are never good
Secrets in a marriage are never good. No matter how innocent you think they are, your spouse does not feel the same.
I remember while going through my divorce, I was dragged out to dinner with my sister and her husband (at this point I pretty much wanted to crawl in a hole and die, so I had to be dragged everywhere). As we sat at the table, I across from my sister and her husband, who sat next to her, I witnessed something so foreign to me. My brother-in-law opened his phone (yep, it was a flip phone that he kept until like a year ago) read a text, laughed, responded to the text and then held it over for my sister to read. She read it, they exchanged a few words and that was the end. As I sat dumbfounded, my expression must have shown my bewilderment, my sister asked what was wrong, was I okay? I asked her if her husband did that a lot. Of course, she was lost and confused. I asked her did he often show her texts on his phone? Now she was totally confused as to why would I ask such a question.Write comment (0 Comments)
Karen's AH HA moment
Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn a lesson, other times it is instant. But when we experience a truly “AH HA” moment, wow, what a feeling!
Here is a little story about a woman who one day found herself at 45 years old trying to figure out what her life was all about. She had been someone's daughter, and then a wife at 18 years old; shortly after, she became a mother. Never knowing who she was or what she wanted, she woke up every day doing the best she could by her children and her husband despite what was going on around her. She did all she could to survive. Then the day came when her children were grown and had their own families, and her husband had his own activities, and decided that she was no longer needed or wanted.Write comment (0 Comments)