A few weeks ago I wrote a post called “Where did they go” about those I thought were my friends and once my divorce happened they were gone. My friend Karen who has written for us before recently experienced a hurt from a very similar situation, although in the here and now and not at the time of her divorce, the wonderment and pain are the same. Here is her take on “What a Friend is to her”
Reflection time: Just something I have been thinking about the past few days.
Friend: a person who you like and enjoy being with; a person who helps or supports someone or something.
Supportive: to show that you approve of someone or something by doing something; to give help or assistance to someone or something.
Loyal: having or showing complete and constant support for someone or something.
Trustworthy: able to be relied on to do or provide what is needed or right, deserving of trust.
All things I strive to be to those I call my friends. Not limited in any way, completely and absolute. I have tried to teach my sons this as well. Because real friends, true friends, are hard to find. For me personally, I treasure, value those friends. I don’t take my friendships lightly, and I don’t abandon them.
There are some things that I just would not do. I would not tell someone they could trust me and tell me anything and then share those private conversations with someone else. I would believe the best of the person and build them up, even when others were tearing them down. I would never let that person feel as though they were a replaceable item or easily discarded when “new” friends came along. I believe I have a big enough heart to add more into it; there is plenty of room for more.
I am not perfect, and I am quite sure I haven’t gotten it 100% correct, but I strive every day to be a supportive, loyal, and a trustworthy friend. Friendship is an important relationship. They mold us and shape us into who we are, from the time we are children all the way into adulthood. A friend never judges, but speaks the truth in love. Helps hold the other person together when it feels like things are falling apart. Understands you better than you understand yourself sometimes. Invest in you, and you invest in them.
There are several quotes that come to mind that hold true. The first being that as we grow up, we realize it is less important to have lots of friends, and more important to have real ones. The other: is not expecting your friend to be a perfect person, but helping your friend to become a better person.
I understand that sometimes friendships are only for a season, but I believe we know that early on. It is the friendships where deep secrets were shared that I believe are meant to be a lifetime friendship. It is when those friendships change or end that are the most difficult to understand. You grieve the loss like any other loss. There’s anger, confusion, sorrow. It is a process to work through. Sometimes it is necessary for them to end; sometimes circumstances happen to end it.
In the end, friends should be supportive, loyal, and trustworthy.