Party of 1

Okay, so he is gone and now. I am on my own. My own. Hmm, how do I do this alone?  These are the things we don’t think about until we have to.  

I have met some women that had no idea how to put gas in their car. Seems far-fetched, but depending on era and area, it could be very true. I know I am so very grateful my mom, yes, my mom, taught me how to change a tire on my car and how to check the oil, and simply how to pay attention to the car and how it runs. But after my divorce, there were many firsts for me, not always pleasant, but firsts none the less.  

I had to move. That meant packing all my stuff, lifting heavy stuff, loading a truck, driving a truck, unloading all my stuff, etc. Oh, don’t feel sorry for me – I did have friends who helped, but mentally I was alone. I had to shop for a new house, make the decision on which house, figure out what I alone could afford, and then make it happen. I had to buy a vehicle, shop for it, make a deal, and make it happen. When something broke I had to learn to fix it or find someone who could. I learned to negotiate prices, demand service and to stand up for myself when they asked if my husband was with me or would my husband be making the decision.

Even in this era of independent women, there are still so many who depend on their spouse for far too many things. I am not saying we can’t or shouldn’t depend on them, or that we can’t or shouldn’t give some responsibilities to our spouse. I am saying even in those cases, you should still be in the know. Even if you do not handle the finances in your relationship, you should still be all-knowing where finances are concerned. I have met women whose husbands pass away and not only did he handle all finances, the woman has no idea where the money is or even could be. Now not only is she grieving the loss of her spouse, but she is lost as to how to survive. I have met women who get a divorce, and after everything is final, discover their spouse had hidden away monies or assets that were not disclosed in the divorce, therefore not divided. In happy marriages, we don’t see a reason to worry or even think about things like this. And don’t get me wrong, I am not saying this needs to be a point of contention in your marriage, but do be aware, alert and in-the-know. There is nothing wrong with both parties in a marriage being in-the-know. In my opinion, there is nothing that both you and your spouse shouldn’t know, and if one of you feels there is a reason the other shouldn’t know, then perhaps that is the first warning sign.  

Know how to do everything, even if you don’t actually do it. Know where everything is located, know account numbers or where to find them, know the status of investments, holdings, memberships etc.  

God forbid something go awry, you will be on solid ground while your world shakes and trembles.