Just another day. Similar in some ways to the days before, different in others. I was not looking forward to today, nor was I dreading today; I had no feelings about it one way or another prior to today.
I have been a bit grouchy and perhaps short on a few occasions with others today. It is raining “cats and dogs” today, which is in itself odd. But now in the evening hours, as I sit and watch some mindless TV, it dawns on me what the date of today is…
In a previous life, this date was very special to me, but 8 years ago it became a devastating reminder of what was no more. Yes, my anniversary. On this very date, at the ripe old age of 19, I vowed to love, honor, and cherish until death do we part. 24 years and 3 kids later, part we did, only there was no death, except the marriage. Okay, I felt like I was dying, or I should die, or I wanted to die — sometimes it was hard to tell. So the date became a reminder of what I saw as a huge failure in my life. A reminder of how much I hurt, my kids hurt, of what I didn’t have any longer.
I wrote a post on what to do with such a date. I followed those suggestions and the date became less painful and less dreaded.
However, this year, up until I sat down to write this evening, “the date” hadn’t even occurred to me! I would say that is progress — yay, me!
Don’t get me wrong: if I sit and dwell on it now that it has occurred to me what the date of today actually is, I realized that perhaps that is why I was grouchy or short with others today. But I did not think about the day before it arrived; it just happened, just like so many other days. Perhaps I am on my way to this date not having any meaning or significance in my new life.
How are you doing with your “date?”