He Texts So What

Why this many years later and this far into it does he still do stupid stuff? The simple fact that I am writing this bothers me even more than the event that prompted this writing. The fact that I even give this much thought to anything about that man just burns me up.


Per our divorce decree, when we are traveling outside the state with our children we are required to give an itinerary to the other parent one week prior to our trip. We are required to give dates, times, locations and contact numbers. No big deal – easy enough. I always send it early with all those details, and sometimes more.  



We have a vacation home that is outside the state, actually the country. It was “ours” in my previous life, and now mine in my new life. It is within driving distance – in fact there is no other way to get there.


So I sent my itinerary with day of departure, approximate time (since we are driving, its flexible), date of return with a “no later than” time. I even gave the address and phone number of the vacation home even though he knows it, and I stated that we would be driving, and which vehicle we would be driving. I stated that our daughter would call him when we arrived at the condo, and again when we arrived back into our home state – as well as a daily call during this trip, as ordered by our decree.


Sounds simple. No need for further contact.


Fast forward to day of departure. We take our time getting ready and loading the car. We pick up my sister-in-law and niece, as this is a mother/daughter trip. We decide we are hungry, so we stop and enjoy some Starbucks, then go get gas, and hit the road. Woo hoo! We four girls are looking forward to some time relaxing at the beach and quiet time. I realize it is later than I had told my ex we were going to leave. I ask my daughter to call or text her dad and let him know we are just now heading out, which she immediately does.


Hey, I would not have gotten the same consideration if the tables were turned, so I was pretty pleased with myself.


Our day is pleasant, nothing out of the ordinary. We arrive at the resort and my daughter says  “why did it take so long today?” Hmm, did it? I look at the clock and let her know it hasn’t even been 4 hours yet, only about 10 minutes shy of 4 hours but definitely did not take us any longer than the normal 4 hours – and that 4 hours is if we don’t stop for anything, there is no wait at the border, and there is not an abundance of traffic. I thought it was a strange question, but oh well. We stop in the office to make sure everything is good and get my keys. We use the “facilities” in the lobby, wait at the desk to request a bell hop to assist with our coolers and luggage, park in the garage, and wait for said bell hop. After 15 minutes or so, we decide to head up to the condo and call for the bell hop again. We get to the condo and the door won’t open – our keys are not working.  I go through my usual routine: try a couple times, try each key, blow into the slot in case sand has clogged it, but still no luck, so I call the office from my cell phone and request maintenance to let us in. A guy from maintenance shows up pretty quickly and works on the door. Eventually he gets it open and lets us in while he continues to work on the lock.


As I am entering the condo, my cell phone starts ringing. My hands are full of stuff from the car, but I twist my arm and can see it is my ex calling. I lug the arm load of bags onto the counter and lay my cell phone down. Since I only have one free hand, I swipe to answer it, lift the phone to my face and say, “hey we are just walking in the door, hang on a second.” I set the rest of my load down and yell back at our daughter, who hasn’t even made it in the door yet: “your dad is on the phone.” She comes in the door, sets her load down, and I hand her the phone. She just looks at me. “It’s your dad,” I say. She takes the phone and retreats to her room to talk.  


The rest of us continue to “move in,” opening drapes, turning on the ACs, putting things away.

Still no bell hop, though – it actually took 2 more phone calls to the front desk, but he did finally arrive, and I gave him the keys to go get the rest of our stuff.


My daughter comes out of her room rolling her eyes. I ask her if all is well, and she says yes.

Cool, we are on to our fabulous 3 days at the beach!


Wrong. My phone starts buzzing and two texts come through. (Remember, these cost me money since we are out of the country.)


And text says, “I’m trying to understand why it took over 5 hours to get there? Can you explain that since our daughter has no clue?”


Really?  What business is it of yours what we did on our way here and how long it took?  I am required to let you know the day we leave and approximate time and she is required to call when we arrive. I am NOT required to fill you in on all our travel adventures and enjoyments.  If you wanted to be part of our vacations, maybe you shouldn’t have run off. UGH.  


Now, don’t get me wrong; had the shoe been on the other foot, which it has been many times, I start worrying about 7 or 8 hours into it and might make a phone call to check in. But really not until then. Who knows, they may stop to eat or there may be a wait at the border, or hell, maybe the keys don’t work and they can’t get in the condo.  


As much as it bothered me that he would even send the text, (and no I didn’t respond,) it bothers me more about me, that a day later, I am still thinking about it. Why does it bother me to begin with, when I know that is the type of person he is? Why is it still rolling around in my mind? He doesn’t deserve this much space in my life!


We are headed to the pool to laugh and giggle and have fun, us four girls. Hopefully he will find something in his own life to do, as well.