Girl Time

Girl time. Oh so important, but oh so hard to set aside time for. As I sit here waiting for it to be time for me to leave, I think about the limited girl time I have in my life. Is it enough?  

I have been asked by a friend to be a sub at her Bunko group tonight. I have accepted the invite and think it sounds like fun. I used to be part of a regular Bunko group but when Bunko night fell on a night I had my daughter, and I wasn’t willing to leave her behind (more on time away from my kids on my parenting days in other blog posts,) I was asked to leave the group, or it was suggested that I leave the group. So subbing tonight sounds like fun. I know how to play, I even know a few of the ladies in this group, so why am I nervous? What if this group is like a clique, you know like back in school?  What if they have different rules? What if they don’t like me? What if?

As an adult, you would think I would be past all that.  

But even that is not what I am pondering right now.  I spend my time focusing on my family and doing with and for my family. So much so that I almost feel guilty doing something without them. And as you have read in other posts, I am really really good at carrying guilt.

I don’t know if I am afraid I will miss something while I am away, or that I will find out they can survive without me. What is that old saying – “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”  Well, in my previous life, absence made me divorced. Okay, well it wasn’t just that I actually spent some time away from my husband, but that does resonate in my brain. So is it a fear that I will come back and he won’t be there? Or that I will be punished for being away, or having a good time? Or do I feel they won’t have a good time without me? Or even worse, do I need to worry about what they are doing while I am away? (No, not the kids)  Yes, in my previous life I had to worry or wonder where he would be or who he would be with if I weren’t there.

I have planned and attended girls weekends. We had so much fun. And being with women is so uplifting and enjoyable in such a different way than with a partner or our children. So why does something as simple as a couple of hours away with some women having fun send me into such a tizzy?  

And yes, I did go to Bunko. And yes, I had a great time.  I met some incredible women, ate, drank, talked and laughed. It was a great night, and I am so glad I went.  And yes, everyone fared well while I was away, everyone was happy, healthy and yes, still there when I returned.