Does Feeling Under-Appreciated Lead to Selfishness?
I find myself feeling hurt and unappreciated today. Although this time it is adults in my life and not my children. As parents, we become accustomed or used to feeling unappreciated or under-appreciated by our children. As adults, we feel we have grown past that stage.
I am a generous giver by nature. I would give you the shirt off my back even if I had no other, if I felt you truly needed it. My heart is tender and loving. I naturally want all to be happy and feel I should take care of all. All people, all things, all situations, just ALL.
I find myself in my desire for everyone to be happy trying to make everyone that way. I try to make the plans incorporate everyone’s wishes and desires. I try not to upset anyone. I do for others to the detriment of myself and sometimes my family.
I try so hard to please everyone that it is easy for me to get my feelings hurt. I have learned to deal with that part. But today I am very much struggling with feeling like I do so much and not only is it not appreciated, but if one little thing isn’t perfect, then I am treated like I did it on purpose. That I planned it to be wrong, or not pleasing to all involved.
So do I stop doing for others? Do I only do for myself? Ehhhh, that is just not me. I’m not sure I could stop, and I definitely cannot be selfish. So how do I find a balance?
How do you politely express or explain to others that they should be grateful or at least not rude and selfish about something you did for the good of all involved? Sometimes I just want to shout, “fine, do it yourself!”
I realize when groups are involved, you can’t please everyone, but I sure try. But I find it almost offensive when I have planned all the details and done all the inviting, and someone feels the need to try to change all I have planned. I mean, really? If you wanted to plan it, then you should have taken the reins and not waited for someone else to do it all and then complain about how it was done. Even worse is when it is someone who was invited by someone I invited!
So, at the recommendation of someone very close to me, I will continue to include others, but plan for myself and my own family. Therefore, if you don’t like it or don’t want to do it, so be it. Go do your own thing – we have our plans. We are happy to include you and have you with us, but don’t expect us to change.
Sounds harsh…doesn’t it? Not sure I can do it. I always feel like I need to share my blessings, my gifts. So I guess the answer is to find a way to do that, to be me and protect my heart and mind in the process.