Does being a narcissist change things?


Is narcissism inherited? Are you born with it, or is it something you develop and perfect?

Do we all have tendencies towards occasional narcissism? Can narcissism be an attractive trait? Is narcissism always harmful to those around the narcissist?


Urban Dictionary defines “Narcissist” as:

“1. Excessive love or admiration for oneself. 2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. 3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one’s own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development. 4. The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.”


Psychology Today states:

“People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment.”

They go on to say, “Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives.”

I’m not sure I had really even heard the word prior to my ex leaving. If I had heard it, I didn’t give it much thought. The word definitely came up during our parenting evaluations, custody evaluations, and my counseling. Please note that just because your ex is a narcissist, or you think they are a narcissist, does not mean you will get full custody of your children. Just because you see narcissism as bad parenting does not mean a court of law will. Oh, if you could have been a fly on the wall during our court proceedings, the things you would have heard would have left you stunned, bewildered, and at a loss for thought and or word. And my ex still got shared parenting/custody. Now, there were other things he did not get out of just because he “said” he should have to, or I didn’t deserve. He even managed to shock the judge with one statement, and I was pretty sure judges had heard it all.  But no matter what I thought, or what he did or was doing to me, I still share custody with him.