Valentine’s day is upon us once again. So many people look forward to this day each year. But when you have gone through a divorce, it is a very dreaded day. Although untrue, you feel like everyone else in the world is blissfully happy, head over heels in love — that is, everyone except you.
My friend Laurie is an amazing writer. She recently wrote a post on Valentine’s Day:
Take a moment to read her post. She talks about showing and celebrating our love every day, not just one day a year.
In my previous life, Valentine’s Day was just another day. Oh, a handful of years over the 24 year span of my marriage, I received a card from my husband. Thinking back, I do not recall any gifts. I always wished he would make it special, give me flowers, take me out, tell me he loved me. And now, looking back, would that have changed anything? Really, once a year feeling loved and special makes up for the rest of the year?
In my current relationship, I do not wish for those things. Oh, don’t get me wrong; as Laurie said, flowers are beautiful, chocolate is delish, cards often say things we can’t say on our own. However, I find I feel loved just about every day, something very new and foreign to me. I don’t have to say “”I love you” and hope to hear it in response. The daily hugs and kisses are so foreign that I find myself pushing away or reacting in a not-so-loving way. I have to remind myself this is how it should be.
Remember, just because you are divorced does not mean that no one cares, that you are unlovable. No matter what you think your ex “took” from you in your divorce, you still have so very much. You have family and friends, acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors, and those yet to come into your life. Your divorce did not take all those away (yes, some, perhaps). Try to focus on who is still a part of your life. We are so much happier when we focus on what is, and not on what is not.
I am attempting to learn to regularly show those I love that I love them, not just on special occasions or holidays, but all the time. We do this not just by words, but by actions. And I am not referring to grand gestures. It is those everyday little things that speak the loudest. Hold open a door, make the bed, get an extra drink or snack to share, hold a hand, send a text, make a call, smile, and yes, speak those three little words that can mean oh so very much. You will be surprised at how loved you feel by showing others love.
So remember, February 14th comes but once a year. Make it special, or don’t — it is totally up to you. But don’t wait for that day to show your love of others, and don’t settle to feel love on that one day a year. You deserve so much more!