When something goes wrong why are we so quick to accept guilt? I spent some time today chatting with a dear friend. Hadn’t talked to her in awhile and she had been on my mind quite a bit lately. So I typed a brief text and hit send. It was almost immediate that my phone rang. After a few minutes of how are you, what is new she made a comment that I seemed to always know just when she needed me. Then I knew something was up. For the next hour and a bit she filled me in on what has been going on in her life. I love how God knows just when we need each other.
After listening to her talk and putting in my 2 cents here and there one proverbial elephant in the room stood out. Things were not going exactly how she had thought they would, or envisioned they should, so of course she was a failure……………………
I remember being right there. I remember that very feeling. I remember assuming that guilt. My marriage was over, my husband left, so I was a failure.
8 years later I can look back with clearer vision and truly ask myself, what about that event made me the failure? Just as important why was I so willing to put on that cloak of failure and wear it endlessly for so long?
I see it so much more in women than in men, perhaps it is simply because I am a woman that I see it. Maybe it is because I am guilty of it myself.
When things go wrong, or don’t work out, the first place we jump is right into the guilt pool. We swim around aimlessly in the pool of guilt. We are quick to tell others we failed, WE failed.
No one has pointed a finger, no jury has deliberated, no judge has decided but we feel the need to take it on, it is ours.
Why? Why are we quick to put the cloak on? Why do we not hesitate, investigate or even point the finger of blame on someone else?
We are better than that! Stop look and listen. Is it really our guilt?
Oh don’t get me wrong, if you have failed, especially if you have failed someone, you need to own up to it and make amends.
But don’t you think we should stop calling ourselves failures and start praising ourselves. Things may not be perfect, and things may not go right. But that does NOT make us a failure.
There are things that happen, things out of our control. Things that are simply a reaction to a situation. Things don’t always go as we thought or as we planned………. Does that mean we failed or more importantly that we are a failure?
And even if we have tried and failed at something, it should not define us. We tried we failed, WE do not automatically become a failure.
Let’s collectively take on a new perspective. How about we focus on what we learn from those things, those times that just don’t go right. Perhaps it is time to hang up that cloak, in the dark corner of our closet , that way it won’t be so readily accessible. That way we won’t be so quick to put it on, the next time we aren’t feeling so successful !