A brief note to Stepparents

Stepparents, I hope you never know how I feel.  Remember, no matter how googly-eyed in love you are with my ex, it doesn’t mean I am okay sharing my children

I see so much written today about how stepparents get a raw deal, the short straw, are not appreciated, are not wicked, and so on and so forth.

I believe stepparents can be a good thing, as in my daughter’s case. Having a stepmom has made life at her dad’s better. My daughter has someone to take her where she needs to be or wants to be; she has someone to help with homework; she has someone to talk to. Before the stepmom, those things were nonexistent, or minimally, difficult with her dad. Her stepmom for the most part is much easier to talk to when we have issues with school or extracurricular activities, or need a change in parenting schedules.  

However, as much as stepparents want to say they are thought of poorly, mistreated or not taken into consideration, please stop and think about the parent you are “replacing.” Not all parents chose the situation they are in. Not all parents are bad parents simply because they now have to share parenting time due to divorce. Remember, the time you are spending with said child and parenting said child is all time the other parent does not get to have their child with them.

Even now I can’t get used to my daughter having to be gone for extended periods of time.  I mean, we can all deal with a sleep over at a friends house, or a weekend at grandma’s, but when that time extends to the 5-day spread every other week, or a week of vacation, or even worse, when that vacation adjoins regular parenting time and it is 13 days or so, I still have a hard time. I am sure her dad does, as well. And yes, even her stepmom misses having her around.  

But there is something that will never be the same, when it is YOUR child, your child that had been with you 100% of the time and you were involved in 100% of everything in their life and something totally out of your control happens and now you only see her 50% of the time, you will NEVER understand. NEVER know the deep in the pit of your stomach, heart wrenching feeling you get when your child is gone. So the next time you as a stepparent want  to say, I know how you feel, remember, you don’t have any idea. Until the time you drop your child off at a stepparent’s house and drive away in tears, you will never know.

In the meantime, I thank you for being nice to my daughter, for being a good parent to her when I am not there, and most of all, I pray you never know how I feel.