Hopes and Dreams; gone or simply changed?

What about all of OUR dreams with our former spouse? What about growing old together? What about enjoying our grandkids? What about retiring, traveling, and enjoying the benefits of all of our hard work?  

Okay, so not just dreams…simply, what about how I thought my life was going to go? The plan, the vision I had for my life with my “family,” my husband, and children, and grandchildren.  

I don’t think anyone gets married with the thought of some day getting divorced.

But when it happens, what now?

Do those plans, visions, and dreams just go away? Or do they change? And if they change, is it slightly, or into something totally different?  

8 years later, 6 years since the divorce was final, and I still stop and sometimes think, this is not how I thought my life would be.  

There are dreams and plans that will never come to be. Some are because perhaps they were more geared to my ex and what he wanted or liked. Some are because I have grown and changed. Some are simply because they won’t happen, though maybe they never would have.

I have written previously about learning what I in my newly single life, like or want. How difficult a task that was figuring that out. How, at the age of 40-something, I had no idea what I wanted to do in my life, or even what I liked to do.

So I definitely didn’t have an idea what to dream of, what plans or visions to have for my new life. It was way easier to tell you what I didn’t like and didn’t want!

Now that I have recovered, wait, recovered is the wrong word – now that I have survived, I am ready to perhaps dream again. With that in mind, I would have to say that our dreams and our hopes change. At the same time, some are gone, but I have to be okay with that.

I lived in a different “class,” a different “tax bracket” during my married life, so there are things I will never be able to do in my new life.

I don’t want it to be what I used to want it to be. I don’t want my ex back to complete the picture. I don’t miss him; sometimes I miss who I thought he was. And yes, there are hopes and dreams that I miss. I miss that “picture” I had of what my retirement would be, what my old age would look like, and the fact that in that picture I would by now be retired and enjoying more traveling and relaxation.

But here I am, still years from retiring. Oh, I still have visions and hopes and dreams. Some have changed, some are completely new and others are similar, perhaps even the same with the exception of who is in them. I feel good about where my life is headed and what I am accomplishing.  

So I will continue to dream. I will continue to hope. I will continue to envision my future.  As I learn more about who I am and who I want to be, those dreams, hopes and visions will be formed around what I discover. So there is a little excitement there mixed with fear – not fear maybe apprehension.

What you are you hoping and dreaming for?

photo credit: Desiree Bowman