Not just a spouse

We lose a lot when divorce happens. We lose our family as we knew it; we lose things; we lose life as we thought it would be. So many things are different than they were, and than we thought they would be. One of the biggest things people tend not to think about is we lose our friend, many times our best friend.


I got married at the ripe old age of 19. I was still a kid, and so was he, just one and half years older than I. We did a lot of growing up as we built our marriage. We learned how to be adults, spouses, and parents together.  Being so young and moving away from family and all that we knew to be home made us closer because we had to rely on each other.

We knew everything about each other, finished each other’s sentences right up to the very moment he walked out.


Then I felt like I didn’t know him at all. Talk about heartbreaking. He wrote me an email after a week or so trying to explain why he left. He said things like he loved me, but wasn’t in love with me (which is ironic, since throughout our entire marriage he said there was no difference between loving someone and being in love with them). He said he was unhappy with himself, with life. He said he did not want to be in a committed relationship (even though he is remarried, I can see he sticks to that statement).  None of those statements gave me any hope or glimpse of my friend. So we push ahead; we divorce; we form separate lives and share children.


Not only do I grieve my marriage and the life I thought I would live, I must also grieve the loss of my best friend, the one who knew me so well, the one who said he would love me until death do us part.

As I recover and move forward, there are still times when I long for that friendship. Who else will ever know me like that? I no longer grieve the marriage or the life, but somehow that friendship loss is lingering still.



Photo Credit: Cody Wiley Photography