Life has a way of throwing you curve balls doesn’t it? You spend the majority of your life giving to someone and out of the blue, you realize you gave, they took, and now they move on. All these emotions start to crop up. You have anger, resentment, rejection, rage…my gosh, the rage. Out of the blue. One minute everything is fine. You are talking to your friends, or kids, whoever. All is well, then BAM! Rage. You wonder, what happened over the course of the years that I missed it? How do I get my joy back? Will I get my joy back?
I am here to tell you that the emotional roller coaster is normal. I tell you that because that is what I have been told. One day at a time, sometimes one second at a time. I have had too many fits of rage over the past week that I have finally learned the only person that is affected, or should I say infected, by these fits…is ME! I cannot afford one more time around this mountain. I know that I do not want to go back to where I came from. That life is not the life that God had planned for me, so if He has something better in store for me, who am I to conduct myself in the manner I have been? I cannot move forward if I keep looking to the past. I cannot have the unconditional love of my children or grandchildren if I am holding onto this anger and resentment. So today I choose to let it all go. Does that mean it will not rise up again…no, it probably will. How I respond, though, is my choice and only my choice.
I today choose to believe that my better days are ahead of me. That today is the day that I can walk in the blessings that He has in store for me. Blessings of peace, joy, health, friendships, and the comfort of family. Today is another day that I choose life. I am going to think outside of the box, rather than looking at things the way I always look at them. Maybe change my “view,” so to speak. Give it a different perspective. Instead of thinking that 26 years have been wasted, decide that it has been a learning experience that had a couple of benefits along the way. Those years gave me the children and grandchildren I have today, and for that I am most grateful. So I guess it wasn’t ALL bad.
I think that I will today learn to enjoy the ride, and see what happens next. I have no clue what is up ahead on this journey. I just know I will take it as it comes. Karen
Photo Credit: Madeline Linahan