Looking back, I would have to say my ex moved on before he was my ex. That statement is twofold. I believe that to end our marriage, to walk out on our family, he would have moved on prior to leaving. And he definitely moved on prior to our divorce being final. There were extracurricular relationships during our marriage, but I had convinced myself that he wasn’t going anywhere, that we could work through and beyond it. However, once he moved out and said he wanted a divorce, it was very evident that he was moving on even farther than he had already moved on.
I wallowed in self pity for a long time. What about me was not good enough for him? I had him on such a pedestal that there had to be something wrong with me for him to move on without me. I watched as he went on with his life. I watched him continue working at a company we built together, without me. I ran into him at bars, and he wasn’t alone. My children told me stories of being introduced to other women. Oh, there was always an excuse, she was his hairdresser or she is so so’s friend, and so on.
I sat stagnant right where he left me, no longer married and not really single yet. I did not want to be divorced. Never in a million years did I dream or think this would happen to me. But here I was, wondering where I belonged now.
It wasn’t long before one of his girlfriends was living with him. What was odd to me was she only lived there on the days our children were with him. Our children would tell me she would show up with a packed bag and stay the days while they were there. It took longer than it should, but I finally realized he had her there to take care of our children. This just made things harder on me. Not only was it thrown in my face that he had replaced me, but now he had some stranger taking care of my children when they should be with their mommy.
Me, I was still trying to figure out, well, everything.
Shortly thereafter, my children informed me their dad had taken them to dinner to announce he was proposing to the part-time live-in girlfriend. According to our sons, he explained he really didn’t want to get married, but he didn’t want to see “her” with anyone else so this was his way of taking her “off the market.” He told the boys it would be years before they got married. Wow, we were barely divorced and he was already getting remarried. Talk about a blow to the ego, to the heart, to my world as I thought it was and would be. Then, to add insult to injury, the wedding that was to be a few years away was suddenly now going to be a year away, and even more suddenly, it was moved up to only 6 months away.
These are the times we really dislike sharing kids. I was privy to way more information than I ever wanted, needed, or thought I could survive.
Don’t get me wrong: I had friends, and I went out with those friends, and sometimes, I even had fun. But I was nowhere near ready to move on.
Donna Originally Published Aug 4, 2014