Why Am I Responsible for That?
It took me a long time to ask myself that, and even longer to figure out or admit that I was not the responsible party.
When my husband first left, he didn't see the kids for a couple of weeks. Part of that was due to my not letting him. To explain myself a little, not that it was right, but I look back and I would do the same again. The kids were so confused, and in my mind, they needed some time to digest that he left and wasn't coming back in the position of husband and dad like they knew him. They needed to realize he wasn't out of town on business, or on another guys trip. Many of you will be angry and judge me and definitely disagree with me, and that is ok.
But part of it was due to the lifestyle he was leading and decisions he was making: lots of other women, partying, and spending our joint monies. For this reason, it is a decision I made and I still stand behind.Write comment (0 Comments)
Stopping your mind
Stop thinking. Easy to say, but so very hard to do.
When going through something like a divorce, we are our own worst enemies. The more we think about our situation, the more we beat ourselves up. And the more we try not to think about it ,the more we think about it.
While in the midst of the nastiest part of my divorce, I was unable to think straight, to have rational thoughts, to make any sense of the pit I had been thrown into. The more I thought about it, the more I tried to figure out how I could have stopped it, how was I to blame, what kind of horrible person I was, and on, and on, until I was spiraling out of control, crying and depressed. This happened every day, all day, all night. If I could keep myself busy, then I couldn’t think about it. When my kids were with me, I focused solely on them, doing with them and for them everything I could. When they went to their dad’s, things got really bad.Write comment (0 Comments)
The Dirty Word
Divorce affects every person differently. And every person has their own description of divorce. That description can also change. If you have never gone through a divorce, then suddenly you find yourself in the midst of one, everything changes. We know how divorce affects us, and others can tell us how it affects them. And still others, for instance our children, might not be able to put it into words. All portrayals are right; there are no wrongs. There are as many descriptions as there are people. Here is one perspective, from a young twenty something now married with two beautiful daughters.
Growing up in a strict, Midwestern family, the word “divorce” was a dirty word in our house. “No one in our family has ever been divorced,” my grandma would tell me proudly. And from what I could gather, this was true; outwardly, we were all happy, nuclear families, with moms and dads intact.Write comment (0 Comments)
Why do I feel like a failure?
I’m not a writer. Something, or someone, has been tugging at my heart and mind, urging me to reach out. To who and for what, I am not sure. What I do know is if I tell my story, as painful as it may be, and am able to touch one person, I am a success.
A success is the antithesis of what I was feeling almost seven years ago. After 24 years of marriage, 3 kids, many successes and few low places, I arrived home to my husband telling me that he wanted a divorce. As I stood dumbfounded, tears streaming down my face, he walked out, never to return.....to the marriage, that is (he’d take the house back later). Was our marriage perfect? Of course not; no marriage is. But we weren't divorce-bound, to my knowledge. Looking back, of course, my perspective is different (hindsight is 20/20).Write comment (0 Comments)