Are your memories of your married life good? Bad? Painful? A mix of emotions? Do we get to a point that we can look back and take the memories at face value? Something that fun and exciting in your previous married life, can you talk about it as the fun it was? I have a difficult time sharing with our children memories from our previous family life. When my husband left, he took away my ability to feel the joy from anything having to do with him. I could not even bring myself to share stories and memories with the kids when they brought them up. If and when I did manage to talk about something from my “previous” life, I only used words like “I” or “me”, never “we” or “our.” So how do we move beyond this stage? Is time a healer even for this?Write comment (0 Comments)
What FRIEND means to me
A few weeks ago I wrote a post called "Where did they go" about those I thought were my friends and once my divorce happened they were gone. My friend Karen who has written for us before recently experienced a hurt from a very similar situation, although in the here and now and not at the time of her divorce, the wonderment and pain are the same. Here is her take on "What a Friend is to her"Write comment (0 Comments)
May I suggest...............
When there is little communication, and even that is strained, how do you communicate important things to your ex?
This is something I have struggled with since the day my ex left. Okay, well, maybe even before that. I used to tell my ex that when he told the kids he loved them, it sounded just like he told them they were grounded and to go to their room. He had one tone of voice; it all sounded the same, especially to children. Of course, he did not agree, and now he would never agree with anything I had to say.
If I tried to suggest something, I was just a bitter bitch (his words, not mine).
What I struggle with most is being supportive to our children when they feel less than supported by their dad.Write comment (0 Comments)
Sympathy comes easy; Empathy comes from Experience
Funny how our own life experiences can make it so easy to spot things in others. I see a post by a friend on Facebook and immediately know he is struggling. The reason I know is I have made comments just like that myself, whether in private conversation or on social media. Those comments all mean the same thing: HELP. Something is going on in our lives that we are just overwhelmed and consumed by, or we just don't know how to deal with it. And even more frustrating and even scary, we don’t know how to ask for help. A simple comment to a friend, or expressing these thoughts where friends can see them, might be all it takes to get the help we need. Sometimes it is just an ear to speak to, a shoulder to lean on, and sometimes it is to just simply know we are not alone. More often than not, it is a call for help. We don’t know how to or are not comfortable asking for help, so we simply make a statement, then hope and pray that someone understands.
Once you have experienced something, it is easy to spot in others. It is hard to support, encourage, and really understand someone’s plight if we ourselves have not had the same or a similar experience. Don’t get me wrong; you can still be sympathetic and a comfort to a friend in need. There is just something different when you can connect through the common bond of same experiences.Write comment (0 Comments)