Reflection time:Sadness: The urban dictionary describes it this way: an emotion that can be described as a pain felt in the heart, or like you are going to implode. Can come with loneliness.
Loneliness: Unhappy as a result of being without the companionship of others. Causing or resulting from the state of being alone: a lonely existence.
The past few weeks I have felt both the emotion of sadness and the feeling of loneliness. I’m not sure if I brought them on myself, or if it is a symptom of the consequences of divorce.
In a few weeks I will be divorced for 6 years. Six years! I remember that first year barely being able to get out of bed. There were so many emotions going on. I was angry, bitter, resentful, weary, fearful, and hurt. It took all I had to get up out of bed in the morning to get ready for work. I had to put a smile on my face every single day and work with the public. I am not sure how I managed, but I did. I can’t say I was successful at it, but I did it.
It is six years later and some of those emotions are still there. Some creep up on me out of the blue, like anger and resentfulness. Some are always there, like weariness, and fear. One has changed itself from hurt, to sadness, and then one just decided it was going to invite itself into my life again and reacquaint itself with me: loneliness. Sadness and loneliness made a strong appearance this past week and they are still unwelcome guests that I cannot shake off quite as easily as I once was able to.
I spent the earlier part of the week sitting in a waiting room, anxious for the arrival of my first granddaughter. I was beyond excited. Finally, I was going to be able to hold a little girl. I had been surrounded by boys for the past 32 years; all I could focus on was bows, and pink, and dance recitals. As I sat and waited, I couldn’t help but smile at how happy I was feeling at that moment. And then…Write comment (0 Comments)
Excuse me you don't have a choice.........
As a whole, things are better when communication goes through the new wife and not my ex. But I often wonder: does she even know the details, the guidelines, the rules?
I can often tell even in her emails when it is my ex telling her what to say to me. It reads totally different than her normal emails.
So is she naive and unknowing, or has she taken on his narcissistic tendencies and his controlling personality?Write comment (0 Comments)
Arguing take two and displays a side of us we don't like
My heart breaks as I am told of someone struggling within a similar situation as I have had. I don’t know this person; I have met her once. She is the best friend of someone I know. As she is living through her divorce, our mutual friend has shared with her something I shared years ago when I was in the midst of my divorce.
I don’t know all the answers. Perhaps I don’t know any of the answers. I can only share what I have experienced. However, I do know that any argument takes two people. I know that hate breeds hate. That negativity attracts negativity. I also know that in my situation, hurtful, negative comments were spewed at me to get a reaction out of me.
At first I fed right into it. Oh, I reacted, poorly much of the time. I responded, hatefully most of the time. And no matter how much I was in the right, I would end up in tears, hurt, confused and no better off.
It took me a long, okay, LONG time to realize that I needed to stop reacting/responding. There was nothing I was ever going to say or do that was going to change the mind of my ex, NOTHING. The only thing I was accomplishing was making myself feel worse.Write comment (0 Comments)
Girl drama. At what age do you remember it starting? If we look deep enough, we all have girl drama in our lives, some worse than others. We are girls. It just happens.
But dealing with girl drama with my daughter is an entirely different thing than dealing with my own.
I think back to what I would consider girl drama beginning in junior high, for the most part. I mean, I can remember a few, okay two, episodes in grade school that might be considered girl drama. Yes, both involved boys, sort of. When I was in second grade, I had a friend named Robbie. He was by far the cutest little boy in school. His mom and my mom were friends from high school, so Robbie and I were friends even before we went to school. I remember all the girls wanting to be my friend because I was friends with Robbie! Girl drama? Not really. The next memory I have was in 5th grade. This time I remember girls not wanting to be my friend because I was friends with the boys. I got picked to play kickball, even though I wore a dress (yes, I wore a dress every day). And then the ever-dreaded - I developed before many of the girls my age, so there was that for them not to like me for. Girl drama? Maybe.Write comment (0 Comments)